Hate the dentist? Then you’ll be happy about this story…

20 March 2008

“Anti-dentites” out there will no doubt remember this episode from TV’s Seinfeld (YouTube video):

“Jerry: I made this little dentist joke and he got all offended.  Those people.  They can be so touchy. 
Kramer: “Those people”?  Listen to yourself!  You think that dentists are so different from me and you?  They came to this country like everybody else in search of a dream!
Jerry: But he’s from Jersey!
Kramer: Yeah, and now he’s a full fledged American!
Jerry: Kramer, he’s just a dentist.
Kramer: And you are an ANTI-DENTITE!”

Jerry Seinfeld would be pleased to read the latest news from the crossroads of hedge funds and the oral care profession.  FINalternatives reports today that a former dentist has been ordered by the Colorado Division of Securities to stop marketing his hedge fund in that state.  According to the Denver Post, the state wasn’t impressed that several individuals who were not technically qualified to buy hedge funds were invited to a reception featuring the hedge fund.

According to FINalternatives, the fund manager also got in trouble back in 1996 for “peddling unapproved tooth whitener containing a toxic substance”. 

Meanwhile, the reputation of dentists also took a beating north of the border this week.  Canada’s National Post reported yesterday that the Bank of Montreal is being sued for $50 million for allegedly ignoring signs that a massive tooth whitening scam was unfolding right under its nose.  Reports the paper:

“…the 33-page statement of claim accuses the bank of “closing its eyes” to [Salim] Damji’s eye-popping account deposits - money that came from the pockets of thousands of people who thought they were buying shares in a company with a “revolutionary” tooth-whitening product. 

“In all, the 38-year-old Damji fleeced thousands of people in the tight-knit Muslim community by selling phony shares in his non-existent company. He also claimed Colgate-Palmolive was ready to buy the rights to the whitening product for $400-million, which would mean a huge payoff for investors.

“Colgate quickly denied any investment plan, while investor complaints sparked a probe by police and the Ontario Securities Commission.

Who knew the dental field contained so much money and intrigue?  …Certainly not the anti-dentites.

Post Script: In all seriousness, though, state action to prevent communication with non-accredited investors sounds a lot like the brewing feud between Massachusetts and hedge fund manager Phil Goldstein over his website (see related posting).

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